


I still hear you

by midnight_colors



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Edom Angst (Shadowhunter Chronicles), M/M, Memory Loss, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-05-04 18:25:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14599029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnight_colors/pseuds/midnight_colors
Summary: "You're going to make it back.""Why wouldn't I? Look what I have waiting for me."Magnus is going to Edom, and he doesn't know for how long. What he does know is that he can't put Alec through it all.Magnus is hurting, but Alec shouldn't have to.He shouldn't have to wait.





	I still hear you

**Author's Note:**

> Well... here we are.  
> I started writing this before I knew how the actual scene was going to play out, based on the glimpse we got in the malec's sacrifice teaser. I really like this concept, but unfortunately, I'm not much of a writer. I just hope this isn't a terrible as I think it is. Anyway, if you are reading this, thank you for taking the time! Can't wait to see the actual scene next week, but for now, enjoy. Feel free to leave a comment (:

"You are going to make it back." Alec is desperate. He needs to know he will. He needs to hear Magnus say it, that he will make it back. He needs to hear it out loud, because if he doesn't, he is going to break.  
  
Because if he doesn't hear the words out loud, he's not sure he'll ever quite believe them.  
  
And he has to believe them. He has to believe that Magnus will make it back because the alternative is... unthinkable.  
  
Of course he'll make it back. He has to. Alec needs him to. He needs _him_.  
  
Alec closes his eyes, resting his forehead on Magnus'. His hands tighten on Magnus' arms, perhaps painfully so, but he can't bring himself to let go even a little. "Please," Alec breathes out, "say you'll make it back." His words are strained with breathless desperation.  
  
Magnus' heart aches with an intensity he hasn't felt in centuries. He reaches up and touches Alec's face, thumbs grazing over his closed eyelids lightly, running over his cheekbones and sliding down until he's gently stroking Alec's neck. Something breaks inside Magnus the moment Alec's eyes lock with his own, and he can't help but smile up at him, hoping it offers that tiny bit of hope Alec needs to let him go. Because maybe if Alec believes there is hope, Magnus will too. "Why wouldn't I?" He feels tears threatening to break him further, and he forces them back, forces his heart to beat, himself to breathe. "Look what I have waiting for me."  
  
After so long, Magnus had found the home he never dreamed of finding, a home alongside the man who single-handedly shattered the walls Magnus spent most of his years reinforcing, a man who loved so wholeheartedly and with such uninhibited honesty that he never failed to leave Magnus breathless. A man who had awakened in Magnus a renewed desire to be alive, if only to tell that man how much he loved him back.  
  
Hell, he wants to make it back. He has never wanted anything so much in his life, and he curses Hell and the repulsive bloodthirsty demons that now burn in it for having dared come near Alec, for having _hurt_ him. He curses those creatures for having injured Alexander to such degree that he- his magic... _Fuck_ , he curses himself for not being powerful enough to heal him. He curses time for counting Alec's breaths, for setting a limit to his heartbeats, and for leaving Magnus with _no choice._

Because it wasn't a choice, not really. It was a _fact_. Alec was not going to die. Not if Magnus could prevent it. Not even if he couldn't.

Nothing would ever be much of a price to pay to save Alec's life; that was a fact too. Magnus could not bear to lose him, and he would rather sell his soul a thousand times before letting Alexander _die_.

So he had done it.  
  
Asmodeus knew just how to break him. How could he not when his son was willing _(begging)_  to do anything, to give up anything, for one man?  
  
_Alexander_. Magnus swallows hard, and he remembers. He remembers the many times he woke up to Alec's eyes looking down at him with unconcealed adoration, the many times he saw those eyes light up at the sight of him and how Magnus could never believe the sight of him could possibly bring such light to someone else's eyes. He remembers the many times those eyes spoke more words than could ever be uttered out loud. He remembers the times his heart called them _home_.  
  
He knows he will remember this too, the way Alec's eyes are now shining with more emotions than tears can hold, trying to communicate the words Alec's constricted throat won't let out. _I love you. I need you. Please stay with me._  
  
Magnus feels a tear slide down his cheek, scorching and bitter; painful. Alec wipes it with his thumb, and his touch soothes the burning trail the tear left behind on his skin. The caress is another memory he will keep for the both of them, like he will remember the way he poured out his pain and fear and love and desperation into the kiss that followed, the way he poured every last bit of hope he had in him into a memory that would become just his. He hopes it will be enough.

He hopes that one day Alexander will forgive him for not telling him what is about to happen, even if he doesn't remember what that was. He hopes that Alec accepts the position he got offered in the Council and moves to Idris like he always dreamed of, and that he continues to be the brave and fierce man that he is. He hopes that Alexander Lightwood remembers that it is okay to love himself as much as he loves others, to be proud of who he is because he is one of the bravest and strongest and kindest men Magnus has ever had the fortune to meet in his centuries of life.

He hopes Alec will find someone with whom to create memories like the ones Magnus is taking from him, memories of happiness and passion and love; he even allows himself to hope that maybe one day he will break free from his father's chains so that Alec doesn't have to, so that he can have _theirs_ back.  
  
_We always seem to find our way back to each other._  
  
Magnus doesn't really know when exactly the kiss subsided from desperation to gentleness, but the portal behind him twirls weakly and shakily to let him know he is exhausting his magic already. He thinks that he could hold the portal forever if it meant he got to stay with Alec for another minute. He knows another minute would never be enough.  
  
He presses his lips firmly against Alec's one last time before pressing a kiss against his cheek. His lips lightly graze Alec's skin as he whispers three words in his ear; Magnus refuses to believe they could be the last. "Aku cinta kamu."  
  
Magnus can feel Alec gasp against his neck, his arms tightening instinctively around Magnus.  
  
But before Alec can say anything else, Magnus snaps his fingers.

  
\- - - - - - -

 

_Alexander_.

  
His grip on the mattress tightened. He was panting, a deep frown etched into his features. His teeth were clenched, and his eyes searched blindly behind his shut eyelids.  
  
_There was a rotten smell in the air, foul and strong. It burned his throat as he swallowed mouthfuls of the dry fire. He felt a stabbing pain in his chest that seemed to increase in intensity with each breath; he was suffocating and drowning in darkness, deep and unforgiving._  
  
_Until there was light._  
  
_The red and hot brightness burned just ahead, shimmering tantalizingly, mockingly, daring him to come closer, to feel the flames._  
  
_No, not_ him _. The flames called for someone else. There was someone nearing the cruel light, someone..._ someone _..._

_His heart stopped._  
  
_A scream ripped through the still air, loud and agonizing._  
  
No _. He tried to scream but he choked on the lack of air instead. His hands reached out desperately only to find hot emptiness; it was too late._  
  
_He fell on his knees as the flames burned out and he was swallowed in darkness again, the scream of agony still loud in his ears, tearing at his heart and breaking his soul._  
  
_He gasped for air one last time..._ and his eyes snapped open.  
  
Alec's hands were still clutching the bare mattress at either side of him, his chest heaving as the air forced its way into his lungs. He was sweating despite the cold temperature in the room. His throat was raw and burning, and he realized he had been screaming.  
  
He swallowed hard, and tried to calm his breathing. It had been him, the scream in his dream. It was him again, just like the night before. It was just him. It was just a dream.  
  
A dream.  
  
And just like the night before, he didn't believe it.

He couldn't. Not when he was still on his knees. Not when he still ached to reach into the flames. Not when his heart was still screaming.  
  
Not when he could still hear his name whispered in the dark.


End file.
